Used in a sentence: "Through a recent unexpected turn of events, I just discovered that I've been secretly living the SM life on the DL."
It all started, innocently enough, with a tree-trimming (not the holiday but the hurricane kind), courtesy of the landlord -- since one of the preps for this time of year is to be sure to get your foliage in order. Unfortunately, all the missing branches that used to block the setting sun (this house faces due West) are now gone ... and the hour or so before the end of the day results in blinding sunlight streaming into the main living space.
With a little ingenuity, the situation was resolved by temporarily hanging a hoodie over the front door, tucking it into the cable wire that runs across the top of it. And that's when we discovered the item in the picture accompanying this post.
First fearing someone had snuck in to execute a Haitian curse (and by "someone", I most definitely mean the old lady who lived across from us when we were in the first house who used to steal mangoes with a long pole under the fence until I caught her doing so), we did what anyone would do in this scenario -- we turned to the interwebs and did some cursory googling.
Turns out it's a Mezuzah ... and it is religious iconography that declares that those who live in the house live Jewish lives. But as you may know from the amount of bacon consumed here, that most definitely isn't the case (not that there's anything wrong with "Jewish lives" -- I'm a proud watcher of JLTV for the reruns of the original Joan Rivers talk show produced by her husband). Of course, now the big question is whether there is a punishment associated with being secretly Mezuzahed on the down-low (the SM on the DL I referenced at the outset). One of my concerns was that the text inside apparently comes from Deuteronomy (and the Pentateuch is notoriously problematic for me and mine) ... and the second concern is that one is supposed to check the Mezuzah every so often to make sure it has not become faded in the eyes of the Jewish God. It turns out that ours appears to be completely sealed -- unless there is a special Jewish key to unlock it which we do not have.
Here's hoping we haven't angered any Gods out of ignorance ... or that my circumcision (I've been told it was done well and that it's very pretty) will help us gain enough points to counteract any potential issues with Yahweh.
HERE'S WHAT I NOW KNOW ABOUT MEZUZAHS:
https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/mezuzah/
NOT FAMILIAR WITH THE PENTATEUCH? HERE'S A PENTATEUCH PRIMER ...:
https://bible.org/article/introduction-pentateuch
UH-OH - THE MEZUZAH WE DIDN'T KNOW WAS THERE HAS *NOT* BEEN UPKEPT:
https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/256924/jewish/Caring-for-your-Mezuzah.htm
