Random TNT for Tuesday 5/30/17

TNT ... Chicago 22

1  She envied Gabriella as she slept, what with her adorable tiny scrunched up face and her darling little clenched fists.  2  Her needs were basic ... and were, for the most part, met.  

3  Maria wondered if her daughter's baby brain had any thoughts or troubles at all.  4  Did she use the downtime to ponder why she came into the world ... or who the people were that fawned over her?  5  Did she fantasize about what she'd eat in a month or two when she'd be allowed solid foods?  6  Did she reflect on what she'd seen that day, processing the information and filing it away to be recalled as needed?

7  Or worse -- was baby sleepy time actually the only chance the tiny human had to escape her surroundings?  8  Could it be that she absorbed any of the adult anxiety that was around her all day long?  9  Did she see her mother crying and feel any sense of guilt about the pressures she added to her with her arrival?  10  Did she absorb any of the tension between her mother and her uncle when they discussed how difficult it was to pay the bills when the priorities changed to put her immediate safety, health and welfare above all else -- even if it meant inexplicably jeopardizing the long term?

11  She was most definitely too little to understand that when cash flow was a constant worry, the little bills manage to get paid at the expense of the big dollar items ... because there was never quite enough left over to cover something of that big amount.  12  Rent was the largest line item on her budget, and even though Zar did his best to contribute, in the first few months of this new year, every extra dollar had been going to "baby this" and "baby that".

13  Now she was two months late, the landlord had started using the e-word in the messages he was leaving on her phone.  14  She thought it strange that Mr. Kissinger hadn't tried to catch her in a face to face meeting -- unless she was somehow successfully evading him at every turn.  15  The stress of living in fear that the next knock would be him at the door with papers setting up a timeline that would end with her and hers on the street was starting to wear on her.

16  Complicating matters was the fact that the one year anniversary of her dirtiest little secret was just around the corner -- that time the previous April when she was in a similar financial bind.  17  That time she traded herself for forgiveness of a month's rent.  18  That decision from long ago also weighed heavy on her mind.

19  She envied little three month old Gabriella as she slept ... for she didn't have to make the hard decisions like her mother did.

Random TNT for Tuesday 5/23/17

TNT ... Chicago 21

1  Could he really consider it to be volunteering if he tracked the time he spent at the veterans' support meetings so that he could submit them to count toward his community service hours?  2  That was the type of question he entertained as he waited every week for the event to end.

3  He most certainly was racking up the hours, week by week, showing up early at the church to take the chairs from the storage closet to set them up in the small meeting room, getting the coffee started, putting out the doughnuts or the pastries or the stale cookies ... and then lurking around in the shadows trying to not get all depressed by the war stories -- and especially the *after* war stories that they all shared eventually -- after weeks of prompting from the moderator.  4  Then, as the group dissipated after the gathering, he would assist those who needed help to depart since the space's accessibility features dated back decades to when the ADA was first starting to be enforced.

5  J wasn't on teardown duty -- only set up -- so that meant he could decompress out in the parking lot sharing a cigarette or two with whomever else was dawdling.  6  It was in those moments that he started to form the most basic of relationships with several of the guys.  7  John was one of the first he had met that way.  8  That week weeks ago, John had been having some kind of trouble with his prosthetics, and he had arrived at the meeting with some rickety borrowed wheelchair.   9  It had gotten stuck in a rut in the hallway by the front door, and J was the one who pushed him all the way out to the parking lot.

10  After that, it was all grunts and head nods of acknowledgement for a bit of time, and then, one day, one of them bummed a smoke ... or a light ... and the conversation started.  11  Never too too many words ... and definitely not any sharing of anything personal -- the few times it happened during the meeting were painfully exhausting enough -- but the smallest of small talk was permitted.  12  The weather ... the news ... the sports ... anything that was covered in the first few minutes of the half hour news update was fair game.

13  It had taken a few more post-meeting-parking-lot-cigarettes before they struck up the business relationship side of their acquaintanceship, but, sure enough, in time, J would spend the end of the evening buying John's meds that he had stopped taking so that he could resell them to his friends and other moderately friendly connections he ran into out at the clubs.

14  So maybe the question on his mind should have been could he really consider it to be volunteering if he was submitting the time spent there for community service credit AND using it to launch his side career as a small time drug dealer?

Random TNT for Tuesday 5/16/17

TNT ... Chicago 20

1  It had been weeks since his aborted suicide attempt.

2  Weeks of continued confusion about what his future should be ... weeks of tortured torment about what his past had been ... weeks of deep-seated doubt about what his present had to offer him.  3  Weeks, though, had gone by where the ultimate truth was that he still remained alive.

4  The nightmares hadn't stopped -- but they had changed.  5  The cries that haunted his attempts at sleep had morphed from the screams he associated with "over there" to those of a baby -- always a single solitary piercing wail of a newborn that would serve as the reprise repeatedly in any dream he managed to remember.  6  The New Year's Eve baby's cry that he had heard on the edge of the elevated train tracks just before he was going to jump had followed him and had latched on to his psyche and it wouldn't let go.

7  He wasn't taking his medicine regularly any more.  8  He knew he was supposed to keep a steady amount in his body at all times in order to reap the alleged benefits of the SSRIs and other drugs, but he didn't believe enough in their power to fix what was wrong with him to do so.  9  He had been chasing some kind of fix for far too long without results ... he would take a pill for the pain, except it would give him a burst of energy ... so he would need a pill to sleep, except with sleep would come the nightmares ... so he would take a pill to calm the frightening thoughts, except it would even him out to the level where he would feel the pain again and the pattern would start anew.

10  He would go without for as long as he could stand, but then he'd have to give in and start the cycle all over until he could once again muster the will to face the withdrawal.  11  He could tolerate the ups and the downs because he knew they wouldn't last ... but it was the in-betweens that were the most frustrating for him.  12  The fogginess ... the muddledness ... the nothingness of the in-betweens ... that state of being with all feelings suppressed, all secrets hidden, all emotions tamped down and all reason for being unclear -- that was when he was at his most hopeless.  13  The overwhelming silence ... the vast void ... the nothing that crowded out the everything that was usually in his head ...

14  "John -- do you have anything to share with the group?"  15  The moderator pushed back his metal folding chair, scraping it against the hard floor of the meeting room in the church -- a sharp scrape and a subsequent screech that interrupted the speech John had been giving.

16  "John -- anything?"  17  The moderator was clearly waiting in hopes that he might say something.  18  The others in the circle became uncomfortable in the awkward pause that followed.  19  In that silence, John realized that he hadn't been speaking any of his commentary aloud as he had thought.  20  Despite knowing on some level that his summary of his current battle within himself might have helped the other veterans who had gathered that afternoon, in the end, he hadn't been able to vocalize *any* of his thoughts.

21  "Sorry.  22  Not today," he finally replied, as his gaze settled on a spot in the room where he didn't have to make eye contact with anyone.  23  He slowly shook his head a few more times back and forth to signal that nothing would be forthcoming and he stared at the card table with the coffee pot and store bought cookies like it was the only safe space for his secrets.

24  In the distance, he was sure that he heard a baby crying.  25  But then again, for the last weeks, he had always been hearing a baby crying.

Random TNT for Tuesday 5/9/17

TNT ... Chicago 19

1  The trust fund was gone.  2  Well, to be fair, the trust fund actually still existed, but his access to it was gone.  3  That was due to a choice he had made awhile back when he had decided to stand up to his father and to fight for that which he believed -- a different story for a different time.  4  He wasn't planning to recant any time soon, and he knew full well that those big city bills weren't going to pay themselves.  

5  A small part of him secretly hoped that his father would just get on with things and kick the can so that he could inherit what was rightfully his, but a bigger part of him always tamped down that smaller part and put it in its place.  6  He accepted that brutally honest thoughts like those should only get to express themselves in fever dreams, drunken rants and late night confessions to a loved one.

7  None of those occurrences were happening on the beautiful Chicago spring day that Matt set out to meet the guy from the ad that promised some quick cash.  8  Sure his paycheck took care of most of the basics, but he wanted cash for the extras.  9  He was still young enough to enjoy the occasional bar crawl, but his considerable charm could only go so far in getting a free drink here or there.  10  Truth was that it cost money to have as much fun as he wanted to have.

11  He needed cash.  12  The guy in the ad promised cash.  13  Chances were pretty strong that they would be a match -- so long as he wasn't walking into anything too creepy.  14  The guy wanted to meet in a coffee shop, so that was a plus.  15  He wasn't going to lose a kidney in a coffee shop.  16  He wasn't going to be pushed into taking suggestive photos in a coffee shop.  17  He wasn't going to be propositioned in any way other than a business way in a coffee shop.

18  Of course, he knew enough to stay out of the *bathroom* of the coffee shop.  19  All those things -- and more -- could feasibly happen in the *bathroom* of a coffee shop.  20  But not out in the common area.  21  In the common area, one could surely be safe.

22  Such was his thinking that day ... and such was the reason that he used his own bathroom before venturing out for the meeting.  23  As he walked into the coffee shop, he glanced at the patrons, scanning them to find the person with the purple tie.  24  Luke, the guy from the ad, had said that's how he'd find him.  25  From the looks of the folks seated at the tables, he needn't have been that specific.

26  There was only ONE person even wearing a tie in the whole group.  27  And yes, it was purple.  28  And yes, it was Luke.

29  Luke with the purple tie seemed a little stressed and a lot in his own head, but Matt reached out his hand all the same.

30  "Hello ... are you Luke?  31  I'm Matt."  32  He pointed to the tie.  33  "Purple, just like you said."

34  Luke stood up, shook Matt's hand and motioned for him to take a seat, nodding his head vigorously the whole time.

35  :"Purple.  36  Not just any shade of purple.  37  This -- THIS is the color of the acai berry," added Luke excitedly.

38  It didn't take too long for Matt to realize that something bad *could* happen in the common area after all.  39  He could -- and he did -- get pitched to be a part of a pyramid scheme.  40  Right there, out in the open.  41  He should have seen it coming.

Random TNT for Tuesday 5/2/17

TNT ... Chicago 18

1  To say that he was nervous would have been an understatement.  2  Understandably so, seeing as how this particular appointment was with the first person who had replied to his ad in the local rag -- an advertisement for which he had had to scrape and scrap just to place.

3  Luke adjusted his tie and tapped the table in the coffee shop, going through a checklist in his head regarding what he planned to say.  4  Tried as he did to focus, just the exercise of thinking about a checklist reminded him of the one he had made on New Year's Eve.

5  The ONLY thing from that list he had successfully crossed off was to stop drinking.  6  Well -- at least when it came to alcohol.  7  He had basically traded one drinking addiction for another -- but at least he had presence of mind when he was on an iced caramel macchiato bender.  8  It was a jittery experience, sure, but his decisions made while overly caffeinated paled in comparison to the ones he made when he was in a constant state of buzz.

9  "The journey of a thousand miles starts with just one step."

10  He repeated that bon mot to himself twice for good measure as he attempted to calm his nerves.

11  "The only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time."

12  That one worked as well, although it did make him hungry.  13  Truth be told, his limited funds went toward his pricey coffees at the expense of a regular bite to eat more than not.  14  He made a mental note to retire that motivational mantra until he was firmly back on his feet with funds to spare.

15  "Just put one foot in front of the other ..."

16  What started out as a bit of positivity at first quickly took a turn.

17  "And soon you'll be walking out the door."

18  That refrain made him sad thinking about his wife and kids.  19  True, he was the one who went walking out said door, but he sort of had to after he had that affair with that girl at the pharmacy.  20  And *that* particular memory only served to remind him that getting closure with Maria was also an unfinished item from his list of resolutions.

21  "Your choices brought you to this place ... and your choices will lead you home," he muttered under his breath, unaware that someone was standing at his table -- until that person spoke to interrupt his self-help inner dialogue.

22  "Hello ... are you Luke?  23  I'm Matt ..." he said, as he stretched out his hand.

Random TNT for Tuesday 4/25/17

TNT ... Chicago 17

1  His text had clearly said that he would be picking her up after class but now that he was no longer answering his phone, she decided to give him another five minutes before taking the first bus to get to the second bus that would get her home where she could lock herself in her apartment and do her best to forget the horrible grade she had gotten on her test that day.  2  If only she didn't have to work two jobs to afford nursing school, then maybe she would have had the quality time to study instead of her usual routine of trying to keep her eyes open on the public transportation to review just enough of her notes from class to avoid failing.

3  Settling for just getting by.  4  *That* was what her life had become.  5  Just a little bit longer.  6  Just a little bit more.  7  Just a little bit of disappointment to get through.  8  Then she'd be on the other side of her goals, with a new job making the big bucks in the fancy hospital in the good part of town.  9  Just a little bit.

10  Sharlene had the skills to cope -- but what she wanted more than anything at that moment was to feel sorry for herself.  11  She wanted to take the gift of having an evening off from everything to cocoon in her bed, streaming some bad tv featuring folks who had it much worse than she did, and crying herself to sleep assuming she didn't doze off from exhaustion midway through the program first.

12  She couldn't wait any longer.  13  He was supposed to be working his other job that evening, so she surmised that he picked up a fare and had to change his plans at the last minute.  14  "He was stuck in traffic somewhere -- somewhere with a weak cell signal like Lower Wacker" is what she convinced herself.  15  The bus was the sure thing, and she wanted a sure thing when it came to getting home that evening as quickly as possible -- so she started walking a few blocks toward the bench for the next bus stop.

16  Deep in her thoughts as she was, she was only paying half attention to the fact that the bus was practically there, waiting at the red light just before the dedicated bench.  17  What snapped her out of her pity party was the car that sped from the middle lane when the light turned green and cut across to park in the place reserved for the bus.  18  Through the honking of the horns, she spotted her Angel, waving frantically at her to get in the car.

19  "Did you give up on me?" he yelled good-naturedly, as she jumped into the passenger seat.  20  The look she gave him in reply confirmed that she had.

21  "I figured something came up.  22 I just want to get home and end today."  23  She didn't offer any details to explain her wish ... but she did offer an explanation for her next move.  24  "You're lucky a cop didn't see you pull that stunt in front of the bus," she said angrily as she punched him in the arm for added emphasis.

25  "I waited a bit at our usual spot in front of the building but there was NO one there, so I figured your class had let out already.  26  Then when the bus went past ..."  27  He didn't need to tell the rest of the story.  28  Sharlene could fill in the blanks.

29  "Yeah -- well -- you're driving more and more like a maniac since you took that job.  30  I think you're spending too much time in the damn car!"

31  That was probably not the best time for Angel to suddenly pull a u-turn.  32  But he did it anyway.

33  "Where are you gooooing?  34  I wanna go hooooome!" Sharlene whined.

35  "One quick stop," he responded.  36  "I promise ... just one ..."

37  There was nothing else for her to do.  38  She turned toward the window and pouted.  39  "This day can't get any worse," she muttered, mostly to herself, but just loud enough that Angel could hear.

Random TNT for Tuesday 4/18/17

TNT ... Chicago 16

1  Springtime in Chicago was entirely unpredictable.  2  A sneak peak of summer in the afternoon could be chased out of town by a derecho wind storm that would usher in a sudden frost by nightfall.  3  You could leave in the morning in a wind breaker, strip down to shorts for lunch, and be wishing you had a hat and gloves for the trip home -- all in the same day.

4  Angel had grown up in the city so he knew that to be the case.  5  He could afford to bide his time when it came to his plans, and to wait for the afternoon when the temperature slipped above 50 degrees for the first time.  6  He knew that by doing so, he'd have the whole city behind him.  

7  Windows would be opening for the first time in months to take advantage of the opportunity to replace the stale air of Chicago winter with something a little more invigorating.  8  Strangers would be smiling, because everyone was friendly with everyone else when sharing in the communal experience of knowing that winter would almost be in the record books.  9  The city would be crackling with an energy that only came around but once a year -- with the promise of renewal and revival and rejuvenation on the breeze for all to experience.

10  On that day -- on *this* day -- he would revive his plans from New Year's that got disrupted by the emergency birthing that had happened in the back seat of his car being used that holiday night for the ride-share service.  11  Of course, he still had the ring.  12  He had hidden it in a safe place, far away from Sharlene's prying eyes.

13  He had intended to propose on New Year's Eve because that was her favorite holiday -- but he wasn't about to wait another whole year to pop the question.  14  By the next New Year's Eve, he was determined that they would celebrate as husband and wife.  15  Truth be told, if he had HIS way, they'd be at that future party with non-alcoholic beverages as he hoped she'd be pregnant by then.

16  There was just something about how it all went down with little Gabriella being born on his watch that had triggered something in him.  17  He wouldn't let the fact that the two of them lived paycheck to paycheck keep him from expanding their family.

18  But first things first.  19  Before the pregnancy would have to come the wedding.  20  And before the wedding would have to come the engagement.  21  And before the engagement would have to come the proposal.  22  Before the proposal would have to come the first day in Chicago above 50 degrees.

23  Angel grabbed his cell phone and looked at its homepage.  24  The time read 3:15pm.  25  The forecast was "sunny and breezy".  26  The temperature said 52 degrees.

27  He headed to the dining room table and yanked on each side, exposing the cavity in the middle that was the space where the leaf would go.  28  Luckily for him, they had had no guests since the holidays, and so his hiding place for the ring had gone undiscovered.

29  He grabbed the phone, the jacket and the ring and he headed out the door.  30  Springtime in Chicago was unpredictable and the temperature would most certainly fall when darkness arrived.  31  There was but a small window of time for the conditions to be just right, and it was his intention to make the most of it.

Random TNT for Tuesday 4/11/17

TNT ... Chicago 15

1  There were three months about which they could have been catching up.  2  Instead, they were awkwardly staring at each other, unsure as to who should speak next after they had both just asked each other how the other one had been.

3  Marta was the one who broke the silence.  4  "How's your sister?  5  She would have had her baby by now, right?"

6  The asking of the question was proof enough that they had spent too much time apart.  7  It only highlighted the fact that their tiff on New Year's Eve was a big one.  8  She had no idea that he walked out of that party and into a curbside nativity scene of sorts.

9  Zar was saddened by the realization that his best friend had not been a part of his life for so many weeks.  10  Disheartened as he was, he still felt the need to reply.  

11 "Yep.  12  Baby girl.  13  Gabriella April."

14  The server provided the next interruption to the awkward silence.

15  "And here you go sweetheart," she said as she placed the bowl of noodles in front of him.  16  "You guys need anything else?" she asked.

17  Marta wanted to answer honestly and say that she needed her bestie to be back in her life.  18  Zar wanted to reply and confirm that a boatload of money would satisfy him.  19  Instead, both just politely shook their heads back and forth conveying the universal sign for "waitress dismissal".

20  Each one picked at the food in front of them.  21  It was much easier to do that than to ask for forgiveness.

22  Again, it was Marta who made the effort.

23  "And things are good at work?" she queried.

24  "Good enough," Zar answered.  "Same old, same old."

25  The conversation was almost painful.  26  It shouldn't have been so hard for people who cared for each other deep down inside so so much to speak with each other.

27  "You have to believe me.  28  I wasn't trying to cause trouble.that night.  29  It was exactly the opposite.  30  I was trying to cause peace."

31  Once again, it was Marta who was making the most effort to recapture what was lost.

32  Zar flashed a wan smile.  33  "It's over.  34  It was what it was.  35  But it's also kind of why I asked you here today."  36  Zar pushed his noodles around on his plate again for almost a full minute before continuing.

37  "I need your help.  38  Our landlord is threatening eviction.  39  I need your help in getting some fast money.  40  I need you to help me break into J's house and rob his roommates."

41  They might have thought it was awkward before, but they were truly only getting started.

42  He made direct eye contact for the first time since they sat down together.

43  "You owe me!" he declared almost ominously, simultaneously blowing up the awkward meter of anyone who happened to be seated nearby and taking measurements of their interaction.

Random TNT for Tuesday 4/4/17

TNT ... Chicago 14

1  The phone call was as welcome as it was unexpected.  2  That being said, it also was rather short.

3  Zar hadn't really provided any details -- only that he wanted to meet her for a quick lunch.  4  She fully expected that he'd take the time breaking bread together to fill in the blanks as to why he had gone radio silent since that New Year's Eve party.  5  The last she knew, he was on the curb outside that apartment building vomiting.

6  Then nothing from him for three months.

7  Not that she hadn't tried.  8  She had stalked him on social media.  9  She had texted him at all hours of the day.  10  She had left messages for him until she got the automated voice when she called saying that his mailbox was full and was no longer accepting them.

11  Ultimately, she got the message that no message from him meant that he hadn't forgiven her for inviting his nemesis J to that New Year's Eve party.

12  As she walked in to the fast casual restaurant in the hip part of town she wondered why he hadn't set up the meeting closer to where they lived -- in the "up and coming", "soon to be gentrified" neighborhood.  13  If nothing else, *that* could be the conversation starter.

14  She scanned the eating establishment and didn't see him sitting alone at one of the booths or the tables.  15  She immediately started to deal with more questions.  16  Would he be a no-show?  17  Should she order and take a seat seeing as how she was the first to arrive?  18  What *was* the soup of the day?

19  With that last thought creeping in, Marta realized that she was as hungry for lunch as she was for information and a re-connection with her bestie.  20  She *would* order, and, if he didn't show, she would at least be able to cross lunch off of her list of things to do.

21  One question was very quickly answered.  22  The soup of the day was chicken noodle.  23  Hot and hearty soup on an early spring day in Chicago when the winds blew off the lake to remind the citizens that winter was only in hiding and not yet banished from the kingdom would be most appreciated.

24  Marta stood off to the side waiting for the employees to dish up her meal and for her number to be called, and she passed the time gazing out to the hustle and bustle on the sidewalk outside of the place.  25  That's when she saw Zar walk past ... not once ... not twice ... but *three* times before he yanked on the door and walked in.

26  She waved.  27  He waved back.  28  "That was a good start," she mused.  29  Then she thought she heard him call out her name, but on the repeating of it, she realized her soup was ready and the girl behind the counter was trying to get her attention.

30  Marta grabbed the tray with her bowl on it and exaggeratedly mouthed to Zar as she got closer to where he was in line.  31  "I'll grab us a booth," she said in a loud whisper, gesturing with her head to the general location where she would be found.

32  Zar smiled awkwardly and gave her a thumbs up.

33  "A good start ... a good start," she repeated to herself as she scouted out a location for the upcoming conversation.

34  "Should she go to a back corner so they'd have privacy?" she wondered as she wandered.  35  "Or maybe out in the open where he couldn't so easily yell at her if he was still upset over her party foul?"

36  She settled on a corner table in the front by those windows.  37  That way, if the experience turned out to be as awkward as his smile had just been, she could use the outside world passing by as a distraction.  38  Besides, he only got mean and yell-y when he was wasted and it was only lunch time.  39  Surely he was mostly sober at this time of the day.  40  She didn't have to force things to be out in the open.

41  He arrived shortly thereafter with a mostly empty tray and a number, which he fastened to the gadget that was holding the salt and pepper shakers.

42  "They have to bring mine out," he said as he provided an explanation while he took a seat across from her.

43  At practically the exact same time, they said the exact same thing to each other.

44  "So -- how ya been?"

Random TNT for Tuesday 3/28/17

TNT ... Chicago 13

1  He had only made the trip just once before, so there was still something that made him pause when he got to the Skyway bridge.  

2  That pause wasn't just because he had to wait in line with all the other cars.  3  Truth be told, he was a little perturbed that there *was* a long line, what with the holiday.  4  It made complete business sense to him that there should have been MORE employees in the booths what with the extra holiday traffic that anyone could have predicted.would be making its way to Chicago for the New Year Eve's celebrations.  5  If he were in charge, he would have staffed every single little hut ... and he would have fired anyone who begged off.  6  Then again, he was a little ruthless when it came to business matters.

7  There would be time to rest the day after the holiday ... and there would be others waiting in line for the jobs of those who couldn't perform as he expected them to.

8  He counted five cars ahead of him in line.  

9  As he waited, his frustration turned to anger, and he let his mind wander into the hypothetical world where he was the boss.  10  He imagined those he would let go, and he pictured the scene in his office where he'd line them up in a row, walking down the firing line and taking the action that he knew no other could take.

11 Four cars to go.

12  The crying wouldn't bother him.  13  The pleading wouldn't sway him.  14  The begging wouldn't affect him.  15  There would have to be sacrifices for the greater good.

16  Three cars to go.  17  Two cars to go.  18  One car to go.

19  It was his turn to pull up on to the booth.  20  He pressed the button and the window retracted automatically as the toll worker came into view.  21  All of the venom and vitriol that had worked its way to his surface dissipated instantly.  22  He looked into the eyes of the young lady who was holding out her hand and he saw *her* pain.

23  He put the bills and the coins into that hand and he grasped onto it firmly.  24  "Peace and blessings to you," he said, holding it a little longer than her comfort level allowed.

25  "Sure.  You too," she replied with a bit of a bite, as she withdrew her hand hastily, being certain to avoid eye contact with the young man with the dark beard in the car acting creepy.

26  Mo realized that there was no opportunity for a moment of ministry.available to him in the toll booth line.  27  He pushed the button to roll up the window to protect him from the biting cold of a Chicago winter's night, and he drove on.

28  Checking the app on his cell phone, he couldn't believe his luck that both of the individuals he was tracking were at the same location.  29  He thanked the pillar in front of the mosque on Stony Island for his good fortune, attributing it to divine intervention of a sort, and he continued all the way to Lake Shore Drive -- past the convention center ... past downtown ... around the curve and into the northside ... pulling off where the app told him too.

30  He got out of his car and walked through the park in the darkness until a pier came into view.  31  A pier ... and two individuals who looked to be having a clandestine meeting.  

Random TNT for Tuesday 3/21/17

TNT ... Chicago 12

1  On a holiday, it's a given that you just don't want to have to deal with any business matters.  2  You want to be far away from any work related drama.  3  You want to be with friends or family and not with co-workers.  4  That's just the way it is.

5  For those reasons, when it came to New Year's Eve, Mo was already far away from Detroit, where he had been relocated on the boss' orders in April of that year, and he was celebrating the holiday season with his new friends in Highland Park.  6  In his opinion, the food tasted more authentic there.  7  The candles burned more brightly there.  8  The prayers seemed more earnest there.

9  All things considered, he hadn't *completely* given up on religion, even though religion had led to his downfall time and again.  10  After all, the most recent turn of events wasn't the first time that his anger had gotten the best of him ... and he felt just as certain that it also wasn't going to be the last.

11 He was determined to make the most out of his assignment to Detroit -- the place he affectionately called Pit City -- and he did so by taking the flight from Detroit Metro Airport to Midway as often as he could.  12  His continued sanity was dependent on spending quality time in and around his people -- and they weren't in Detroit any more.

13  That coping mechanism made it all the easier when the work edict came down that he needed to be in Chicago before midnight on New Year's Eve.  14  He was already only a little over two dozen miles from a city with which he had become very familiar in recent months, and so all. he had to do was to come up with an excuse to escape the festivities.

15  He came up with gout -- an attack that would mean he'd have to cut his trip short and head back home to see his doctor first thing in the new year.  16  It would be an attack that was strong enough to change his plans but not so strong that he couldn't take a cab back to the airport to catch his new flight.

17  Except Mo didn't instruct the cab driver that he called, who knew nothing of the interrupted family plans, to go to Midway.  18  Instead, he ended up in the motel where he would be setting up shop to await new orders, in the heart of the 'hood known as Andersonville.

19  That particular New Year's eve, he arrived with plenty of time to walk out and about in the neighborhood, and he headed to his favorite place -- a park with a beach right on Lake Michigan ... with a pier that gave him an excellent vantage point of all of the lake.

20  It was his favorite place in the city, and he had visited there many times before.  21  The main impetus for going there was clearly nostalgia.  22  He couldn't help but be reminded of the glory days of his youth, and he fantasized about striking the water and just walking directly across the lake bed to his adopted state of Michigan.

23  Miracles were for the young and for those whose faith hadn't been truly tested.  24  Sadly, Mo was ancient and his faith was running severely low.  25  On that night -- on that pier -- he'd have to be content with only his imagination and his recollection of days of yore.

26  With the greatest of sighs, he turned around and headed back toward the beach.  27  He hadn't anticipated that someone else would be sharing that moment with him -- yet sure enough, there was a shadow waiting for him.  28  He noticed that even further back, there was a second shadow that looked to be waiting for him to interact with the first shadow.

29  The first shadow spoke first.  30  "*What* are YOU doing here?" it asked.

Random TNT for Tuesday 3/14/17

TNT ... Chicago 11

1  Once you make a "big" move -- the kind that brings upheaval to everything you thought you knew ... to everything that defined you ... to everything you stood for -- the "little" moves are so much easier to handle.  2  "Don't sweat the small stuff," H reminded himself, as the train pulled in to Chicago's Union Station on New Year's Eve.

3  Sure, he had made a bit of a life for himself back in Detroit since arriving the previous April, but the orders from the boss were clear.  4  Get to Chicago -- and get there before midnight on the last day of the year.  Detroit to Chicago was a little move and was therefore something easy.

5  He'd miss the gang he was leaving, for sure.  6  They had been so good to him since he had first arrived in Motor City, unfamiliar with the lay of the land -- or with much of how anything really worked.  7  He had fit in immediately with the group of homeless people down by the waterfront, and it wasn't long before a bunch of them bonded and struck out to find an abandoned home in the rough part of town to fix up just enough for them to have shelter -- and fellowship.

8  H was a natural born leader -- so long as found the right kind of followers.  9  Networking was the answer to everything, and it didn't take long before a friend of one of his new friends even got him a job.  10  Nothing fancy, of course, but bringing in some extra money to support the communal living by working as a medial receptionist at a podiatrist's office assured him a safe space in the hierarchy of his group.

11  All that he had done for them was also the reason why they had so easily banded together to gather the rest of the money he had needed for one way train ticket to Chitown.  12  "I will be back," he had assured them.  13  "None of us can know the day or hour ... but I will return."

14  Business was business.  15  As he disembarked from the train and threw his dirty knapsack over his shoulder, he knew that the future depended on what he did now that he had arrived in Chicago.  16  He had a mission at which he must not fail.  17  It was all he could think about as he walked the blocks from one train station to another.

18  He decided to start his new temporary life the same way he had done upon setting foot in Detroit.  19  He got his ticket and stared at the map of the public transportation, determined to decipher which one of the colors would take him closest to Lake Michigan.

20  The coast curved upwards, closer and closer to the Red Line.  21  He traced his finger from the water's edge at a place called Osterman Beach and he determined the shortest path from an el stop was to a place that he wasn't exactly sure how to pronounce.  22  Saying it out loud didn't matter.  23  He just had to be on the lookout for signs for Bryn Mawr. 

24  There were chimes.  25  And an automated voice warning "doors closing".  26  He jumped off the platform and into the train with no time to spare.

27  As soon as the red line made it beyond the downtown stops and started to fill up with revelers, H began to feel at ease.  28  He was amongst his people -- the hipsters on the train reminded him of the hipsters he had left back in Detroit.  29  Funny thing -- because of the company he kept -- many of the people he met assumed the H stood for hipster.  

30  It didn't.  31  It was a middle initial.  32  He never gave out his first name because it was accompanied by way too much baggage.

33  At one of the stops, he stood so a drunken girl could have his seat, and he smiled as he swayed along with the to and fro of the car as it tried to make up time speeding between stops, seeing as how so many people were making use of it for the holiday that the times spent on the platform at the station were slightly longer than the schedule was supposed to allow.  34  Standing in the aisle also put him closer to the map in the display above the door so he could more easily count down how close he was to where he wanted to disembark.

35  Soon enough, the train was braking in a place where he could see the sign proclaiming it to be Bryn Mawr.  36  He exited, looked both ways to find a stairwell, and found himself on the street.  37  He couldn't see the lake from that exact point, but he knew he'd have a few blocks to walk from the map he had researched.  38  Not sure of which way to go, he turned *each* way and chose the path that was *into* the wind.

39  He passed a church on his left and crossed a big intersection before walking underneath a bridge of a heavily traveled road.  40  The park he was expecting was indeed in front of him.  41  He saw signs that it closed at dusk, but it wasn't gated and no one was around.  42  For the first time, he doubted his strategy about hooking up with some homeless as he was certain that the bridge would have attracted the people he was hoping to meet.

43  "Maybe there was another structure closer to the water -- through the trees and away from the lights of the cars exiting that highway above the bridge," he guessed as he got a closer look at his surroundings.

44 He found a structure -- a pier, jutting out into the water -- and he found his first person.  45  He could make out the shadow of someone that was walking back toward the beach -- walking toward him.  46  As his eyes adjusted and the individual came closer, he noticed the long flowing white beard ... and then he saw the face on which it was growing.

47  "*What* are YOU doing here?" he asked, already knowing what the answer would be.

Random TNT for Tuesday 3/7/17

TNT ... Chicago 10

1  There was a certain financial strategy to making sure that one would be single over the holidays -- to making sure that no relationship existed after Thanksgiving and before Easter.  2  The money saved by not having to splurge on anyone else for Christmas gifts -- and by avoiding expensive dinners and chocolates and such on Valentine's Day -- that was all money one could divert to spending on oneself, or, if one was the conservative type, to lock away in savings for a rainy day.

3  Matthew was not exactly the conservative type, though, so all of his hypothetical extra moneys went toward his New Year's Eve bar crawl each year.  4  He knew better than to spend those funds on buying a ticket to the best shindig in town, because it was highly likely that those places were teeming with pairs of people partying into the night.

5  His analysis was that his best chances were to bounce from bar to bar, parlaying his friendships with the tenders and tendresses to gain entrance, to peruse the place and to make a move if he saw someone that struck his fancy.

6  He was certain that he had perfected the bar crawl that was by any other name actually a bar prowl, and he counted on the skills he had gained in the months since he had moved to Chicago to ensure that he'd start the night by himself, but that he'd end it in the arms of another.

7  Sex for sport.  8  It was a young man's game ... and Matthew was a young man.  9  He only went out once a month, so he rationalized it as just a bit of a diversion from his otherwise mundane life.  10  "You have to get your excitement where you can," he had said to himself earlier that evening as he put on the shirt he had bought just for that particular night of activities, as making such an annual purchase of a New Year's shirt had been his tradition since he was old enough to go out drinking back home in Pennsylvania where he had gone to college.

11 Of course, drinking back home in Pennsylvania was never like drinking in Chicago.  12  Back there, everyone knew everyone else, and if they didn't, then for sure everyone knew OF everyone else.  13  There were no secrets.  14  There were no evenings that existed only for the experiencing of that one moment in time.  15  There were no opportunities to be free in the way of the anonymous for just one night.

16  He had fallen in love with Chitown back when he had visited it with a friend on a vacation of sorts, which was another story for another time.  17  Being in the big city hadn't led to the career that he thought he'd have had, but at least that location had no small town drama.  18  And he was paying bills.  19  And he was living life.  20  And he was able to go out and about with enough regularity to keep him happy.

21  In addition to his special sartorial purchase, he had also upheld another tradition earlier that night.  22  It wasn't one that was tied to the holiday, but it was the way he started each bar crawl.  23  As he had every month in this city since his first night out in April, he flipped his lucky quarter up into the air.  

24  Here were the rules:  if it landed heads, he'd head to Halsted; if it was tails, he'd be on Clark instead..  

25  Those streets in his neighborhood were right next to each other, having actually intersected just a few blocks away.  26  Despite being so close together geographically, the bars, though, were vastly different.  27  Matthew's flip of the coin would determine more than just on which street he'd be crawling and prowling -- it would also determine his classification of prey.

28  On this particular New Year's night, the coin had landed face up.  

29  And *that* was why Matthew was ushering in the upcoming 365 and a quarter days by kissing the *boy* next to him at the bar.

30  Sex for sport -- a young man's game.  31  Except, for that particular night, it was going to be a game for TWO young men.

Random Tune for Tuesday 2/28/17

TNT ... Chicago 9

1  "Why bother writing a suicide note if the reality was that there was no one who would really care what was written there?"

2  Maybe it was just a rationalization on his part to more easily knock one more thing off of his last-day-of-his-life checklist, but reaching that conclusion did permit John to move on to the next steps of his big night.  3  His big night coincided with the rest of the world's big night -- but he was determined to make it his LAST big night.

4  It was not an impulse decision.  5  He had been evaluating his options for weeks and had settled on the best way to go out.  6  He wanted it to be quick and definite, so he had ruled out the classic rope and chair in his tiny apartment on the north side of the city.  7  After all, as comfortable as he was in his prostheses, he had never learned in his physical therapy sessions the specific skill of kicking out a chair from underneath oneself after a rope was secured around one's neck.

8  There was no way he would do it with pills, as a way of protest.  9  The pills were to blame for the side-effects.  10  The pills had only marginally quieted the nightmares, and to the extent that they did, the pills also kept him in a perpetual fogginess.  11 The pills seemed to create five problems for every one they tried to solve.  12  He would not overdose on pills ... because the pills already had too much power over him.  13  His last Christmas gift to himself the week before was that he threw out all of his pills.

14  He knew that he knew his way around a firearm.  15  Until the IED, he considered his weaponry as some of his closest friends.  16  But his mother was dead and he hadn't talked to his father in years.  17  His little brother had run away from that home shortly after she died and he returned to his tour of duty.  18  His brother was probably homeless in some city -- hopefully a warmer one than Chicago in the wintertime -- or he had restarted his life with all ties cut and with his own friends or people he now called his family.  19  He did not want to shoot himself and lay there with no one to find him until his neighbors called for someone to investigate the stench of his decay.

20  There was Maria.  21  Or, more accurately, there *had been* Maria.  22  The truth was, though, that she hadn't stopped by in months. 23  He couldn't really blame her because he had said some nasty things when he found out about her affair with her boss at the pharmacy, but she was his last lifeline to any hope for some kind of future normalcy.  24  And she was out of his life.

25  He had calculated that it would be a good ten to fifteen minutes to get to the platform of the el, and he was determined to go over the edge and on to the electrified rail just prior to midnight so that he did not have to suffer at all in the new year.  26  Plus, according to that plan, the rescue workers who would come and claim his body would have had their "happy new year" moment so he wouldn't have ruined their holiday.  27  He needed to leave.

28  He strapped each artificial limb on to its respective nub and he moved determinatively toward the door.  29  He had gotten so good with the stairs, he was down the flight and to the corner without incident.  30  He pulled tightly on his collar to address the shock of a biting wind, and he turned directly into it as he headed up the block to the entrance for the public transportation.

31  Long ago he had learned to ignore the happiness of those around him.  32  As he passed some party-goers on the street, he looked through them, aware that their joy was now akin to a foreign language to him -- just nattering of passersby that he could no longer comprehend.  33  Besides, being out in public in the middle of the night, with more noise than normal in his environs, he was on alert and looking everywhere at once, anticipating where there might be trouble.

34  It was exhausting -- not because of his disability, but because of his ability.  35  He had been trained this way, and stopping to even blink added extra pressures on him for fear that something might happen in that instance.  36  The peace of not having to be "on" at all times -- that was possibly the thing he was looking forward to the most.

37  He was too proud to take the elevator ... but too tired for more stairs.  38  Luckily, the escalator that was out of order more than not was working on the holiday.  39  Besides, it was too close to midnight to maneuver up the stairs.

40  As the top of the platform came into view, he was able to see the digital clock.  41  It read 11:58.  42  He had planned it all perfectly.  43  He wasn't sure exactly how many cars would be in the train on New Year's Eve, but he knew that people would not be gathered at the far end.

44  He walked with purpose, each step reminding him of the hours of physical therapy he had done.  45  He got stronger with each forward motion -- just like before -- and he reached the end of the platform exactly at the time he wished.  46  The neighborhood erupted in cheers and the sky lit up with cheap fireworks.

47  John instantly flashed back to his time in the service, and with a week's worth of a break from his meds, he was shaken at the precise moment he wanted to be the most confident.  48  The cheers he heard turned to screams ... and in the midst of it all, there was a distinctly unique sound -- the cry of a newborn baby.  

49  It was a piercing cry that stopped him dead in his tracks before he could follow through with his plan to be dead on the tracks.

Random TNT for Tuesday 2/21/17

TNT ... Chicago 8

1  I resolve.

2  Try as he might, he just couldn't come up with anything to put underneath that heading.

3  Oh sure -- it was somewhat obvious that he wanted to resolve to have a better year in the months ahead than the year that he was putting to rest with the ceremonial resolution list he was trying to write.  4  If he had learned nothing else from his days in management, he knew that it was important to make goals specific and measurable and attainable and realistic and timely.

5  He had completed tons of performance reviews at the pharmacy with just that guidance.  6  It was easy to tell someone else what they needed to do to improve.  7  It was much harder to do it for himself.

8  All he could think of for the list were things that were framed negatively.  9  Don't get involved with your co-workers' personal lives.  10  Don't care so much.  11 Don't fall in love with a direct report.  12  Don't act on those feelings -- in the car in the company parking lot ... in the stock room during inventory .. in the office after the pharmacy was closed.  13  Don't let your wife find out.  14  Don't let your *kids* find out.  15  Don't get fired.  16  Don't get kicked out of your own house.  17  Don't take it out on the one with whom you fell in love.  18  Don't not see her for months.  19 Don't drink away the pain night after night.  20  Don't let your unemployment checks run out.

21  I resolve.

22  The words stared up at him from the yellow notepad.

23  I resolve to go back in time and to never meet Maria.

24  He scratched out the words as soon as he had finished writing them.  25  "Not realistic," he said aloud as he did so.

26  The good news was, though, that he had broken through.  27  The act of putting *something* on paper unstuck the task for him.  28  Now the ideas flowed forth.

29  I resolve to quit drinking.

30  I resolve to get a job.

31  I resolve to get forgiveness from my wife and kids.

32  I resolve to get my life back.

33  He paused his flurry of activity, for he knew that there was one resolution that had to come first if any of the others were to have a chance.

34  I resolve to get closure with Maria.

35  He circled that one.  36  He put a star next to it.  37  He underlined it -- not once, but three times.  38  Then he looked over at the one friend who had stood by him throughout this whole ordeal -- and his half-drunk bottle of whiskey stared back at him.

39  He glanced at the clock on the motel room microwave.

40  "It's almost midnight," he muttered to himself.  41  "If I'm gonna quit drinking in the new year, I better finish this off now."

42  He was passed out cold on the bed when the new year arrived.

Random TNT for Tuesday 2/14/17

TNT ... Chicago 7

1  Liquid courage -- that was all he needed.

2  She'd been hiding from him for months, ever since that evening in April when she showed up on his doorstep in tears, crying about having lost her job and desperate to avoid being put out on the street seeing as how she didn't have all of her rent money.

3  That night, he did what anyone in his position would do with a beautiful young crying lady on the other side of the door.  4  He comforted her ... right into his bedroom.  5  It wasn't creepy, he had convinced himself then, because she certainly seemed willing enough.

6  As time passed, though, he began to have his concerns about what had happened.  7  He still wore it as a badge of honor that he hadn't been the creep that night ... especially when he began to deduce that maybe *she* was the one who was actually taking advantage of *him* in that scenario.

8  After that evening, her rent was always paid in full ... and sometimes even early ... but never in person.  9  It was always just an envelope slipped under his door in the middle of the night with only a check inside.  10  No notes ... no post-its ... no index cards ... nothing else but a check made out to him for just the right amount.

11  Despite her clearly having had a change of circumstance, she had never offered to make up the amount he had forgiven when he said goodbye to her as she left his bed that morning after -- not that he would ever had brought it up.  12  If he had ever run into her, that is -- which he hadn't, because she was never around.

13  He had been in the building earlier that evening, and he had paused at her door.  14  Her lights were on, and he could hear the sound of the television.  15  He had almost knocked then and there ... except he hadn't yet started drinking a few bottles of that oh-so-necessary liquid courage.

16  He was ready now and he felt like he could use the New Year's Eve holiday to his advantage.  17  He just wanted to be sure he got there before midnight.  18  Luckily, it was only a short walk around the corner to the apartment building he owned, and he climbed the stairs to the second floor, happy to hear the same ambient noise from before and to see the light spilling onto the landing from under her door.

19  "Don't be awkward," he muttered under his breath.  20  "Just say Happy New Year and see what happens."

21  He knocked ... and got no response.  22  So he knocked again ... but nothing happened.  23  He took it as a good sign that the sound or the light didn't change -- so she wasn't going to pretend that she wasn't there.

24  "Maria ... it's Mr. Kissinger.  25  Are you there?"

26  He cringed and thought, "why didn't I use my first name?".  27  "Mister" automatically sounded creepy, and that was the vibe he was trying to avoid.

28  He knocked a little louder -- and then he let the alcohol start twisting his thoughts.  29  He *was* the landlord.  30  He could let himself in under the guise of being concerned that she was in some kind of danger.

31  So that's exactly what he did.

32  The delay had caused his timing to be off because the final countdown itself was blaring on the TV.  33  Two steps in and no one was to be seen.

34  All the same, he froze in place, standing in front of the kitchen bar counter, staring intently at what he saw there.

35  "Happy New Year!" yelled the host on the television.

36  He didn't hear it.  37  He was in a zone, deep in thought, unable to break his gaze from what was most definitely a bottle of pre-natal vitamins right there in clear sight.