... y'all need to LEAVE TURKEYS ALONE!
And yes, if you're of a certain age, you should be reading that all cap exhortation in the style of Chris Crocker. (Don't worry -- if you don't know what drove that particular Chris to his particular fame, I'll provided a link below/to follow so you can get all pop-cultured-up.)
Lookit, I've previously gone on record in saying that attempts to replace bacon with less tasty substitutes like turkey bacon (or ham) on a buffet line are NOT appreciated (as happened to me in back to back years at company meetings -- back before the Trumpster took those away from us [long story for another post]).
As such, you can imagine my shock and dismay when I pulled the cart up next to the Turkey Pepperoni the last time we were grocery shopping. I'm just going to say it -- if you can't handle the regular pepperoni made up of the porks and the beefs, then fry up some freakin' kale instead.
Mind you -- don't get it twisted. It might be said that I have ulterior motives. Here's the thing: I want my turkeys to be able to spend all year long feeling free and being relaxed and living large so that they are able to eat themselves into big healthy birds for the holiday feasts (in our house, we do turkey for both our Thanksgiving and Christmas meals). My fear is that if they have to be worried all year long that someone might grab them in the middle of the night to become a faux 'roni (or worse -- faux bacon), then they are going to be living a life of fear that will turn them into skinny scrawny things in a few months when me and mine are primed to eat them.
So stop it. Stop it now. Stop making the turkey bacon. Stop making the turkey soda. Stop making the turkey doritos. (See the link below/to follow for those monstrosities.) And most especially, stop making the turkey pepperoni! LEAVE THE TURKEYS ALONE!
THE CHRIS CROCKER OF WHOM I SPEAK:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqSTXuJeTks
THE THANKSGIVING FLAVORED FOOD LIST:
https://spoonuniversity.com/lifestyle/thanksgiving-flavored-foods-no-idea-existed
IF YOU CAN'T DO THE PEPPERONI, THEN DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON THE TURKEY:
http://healthyeating.sfgate.com/pepperoni-slices-healthy-3889.html
