Used in a sentence: "Dear New Vintage Wood: you can't be everything to everybody, so please choose a characteristic already, you oxymoron in the making."
Mind you, I fancy myself more of a wordsmith and not so much of a woodsmith (although this past year, I did nail two pieces of scrap wood together to make something that would fit in the tiny space next to the bed on which remotes could be placed) ... but something about this item on display at the local soon-to-be-closed Lowes-expansion-experiment known as Orchard Supply Hardware stuck in my craw. (I say "expansion-experiment", as the company apparently existed in CA for decades before Lowes bought them, expanded them, and then closed them.)
And, as it turns out, taking new wood and making it look distressed is a real thing that people pay good money for ... or, if they are lucky and are so inclined, take on as a DIY task ... or, if they are the luckiest, grab for free from dilapidated buildings out in the countryside.
In other news, note to self: see if I can sell this same slogan to the pharmaceutical companies pushing the latest ED drugs to old guys.
BYE BYE ORCHARD SUPPLY COMPANY:
https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/business/2018/08/22/lowes-orchard-supply-hardware-stores-close/1060236002/
THIS IS A REAL THING YOU CAN BUY:
http://www.drvawood.com/
THIS IS A REAL THING YOU CAN DIY:
https://www.architecturaldigest.com/story/how-to-make-wood-look-old
