2 0 8 4:M i s s i v e 28

Sitting there in the booth at the sex-porium in Old Orleans in 2084, speaking to a shadow who said that he knew me because his grandfather knew me ... a shadow that was instantly recognizable to me as "Mattie" -- my head was spinning.

I had just had a conversation with someone as if he was a real person and yet, after the shock and surprise had faded, I knew him full well to be a character that I had created for fictional stories that I had written decades ago.  As the veil between reality and future-ality continued to tear, I realized that I had just referred to that character as "my closest friend", which was both a sad commentary on a past relatively solitary lifestyle where those voices I heard in my head that spilled forth as those populating my tales took on a life of their own ... and a telling insight about how unexpected time travel was scrambling my brain.

Of course, so far it *was* only a shadow.  And my own future self *had* contacted me via a cell phone app to entice me to travel to the future through a portal.  Plus it *was* 2084, so anything could have happened technologically in the lifetimes that had passed between my old life and my new existence -- which were apparently happening simultaneously in some other bit of mind-warp that I had just had to accept as fact.

"So -- are you virtual reality?" I queried the shadow.

My brain was starting to hurt ... and I was hoping that a modicum of truth would bring some kind of relief.

The screen began to lift, and light started to spill in to the small space.

Light ... and a hand.  Not a virtual hand ... but an actual hand ... an actual hand attached to an actual body -- an actual body which spoke directly to me as he stretched out that hand for a welcoming shake. 

"Oh no.  I assure you I'm real.  Flesh and blood.  I'm officially Mattie 3.0, which is why I said you knew my 'grandfather' -- because it took three attempts at me being de-fictionalized before the act was perfected."

"De-fictionalized?"

Mattie 3.0 continued.  "That's a thing now.  Fictional characters of any kind can be de-fictionalized and created into actual human beings.  It was the next level of astral projection with a corporeal element that created the IQ, EQ and SQ files -- a secret project the government was running, but the IntransiGents got a hold of the technology.  You'd be surprised when it comes to whom you might run into walking around in our times ..."

And with that, my time taking advantage of the loophole when the VitalNet updates on the last day of the month is coming to a close, and so I must leave you as Ilion in 2084, communicating with you about the future via Troy in 2018's social media account, brought here by t1a7n72.lif, the remnants of my soul in said future.  Take care of each other ... until next time ...

Random Memorial for Monday 5/28/18

Gone but not forgotten:  another cassette getting thrown out because the CD version is also in the music collection and because there's only so much space for "things" as you get older.

By the way -- what's *not* being discarded?  The 78 full sized vinyl album of Hey Lewis & The News' 'Fore' released in 1987 (a big year for me) -- an item that I also still have in that collection -- 'cause vinyl has cache that cassettes just don't.

Anyway -- back to the item pictured in the trash can ... it's the 1996 greatest hits and more collection (with four new songs) named 'Time Flies'.  And the fact that it's from the 90's shouldn't be a surprise, seeing as how the 90's were a big time for cassettes.

As for the song to feature in this goodbye post (again, to the cassette -- NOT to the CD), it's been established that I'm a sucker for a loud horn section, and there may not be a hornier horn section than the one in 'Doin' It All for my Baby' (the fifth top ten hit from the aforementioned 'Fore' album).  Horny horns ... you will be missed ... but only until I pull out the CD for another listen ...

DOIN' IT ... DOIN' IT ... DOIN' IT ... YEAH!:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpdZvewjwJs

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 5/27/18

What southern Florida is talking about this week:

... the beginning of summer!

Being born a Yankee -- and having spent a good bit of my adult years as a hearty midwesterner, I've spent all my life before the big move here in 2014 fully aware of the concept of seasons, and I've previously taken my cue from the changes I see around me four times a year.

Down here in the SoFlo -- where outwardly it's pretty much summer all the time -- there are still some more subtle things to observe as the calendar changes throughout the year, and there are four things in particular that herald the beginning of summer -- so long as you are paying attention.

First, traffic is suddenly alleviated as all the snowbirds head back to their summer homes (and as the rich tourists choose less hot places to spend their foreign dollars).

Second, hurricane season -- and hysteria over hurricane season *prep* -- kicks off (cue Alberto)!

Third, the royal poinciana trees bloom in fiery bright red and orange petals overnight (except for the one in our back yard, which is still recovering from Irma-related damage last fall and only has one visible plume).

And finally, the beautiful golden orb spiders spin their yellow webs in the area we call "no man's land" separating the back yards between us and our neighbor to the east (that's a static image of our half-dollar size beast accompanying this post, unless you're reading this on the Facebook, where a short video has been posted instead).

Happy start of summer to you and yours -- wherever you are -- from us and ours down here in the SoFlo!

NOTHING SAYS SUMMER LIKE BLOOMING ROYAL POINCIANA TREES!:
https://www.south-florida-plant-guide.com/royal-poinciana-tree.html

NOTHING SAYS SUMMER LIKE THE FIRST NAMED STORM OF THE SEASON:
http://time.com/5292106/alberto-hurricane-season-2018/

NOTHING SAYS SUMMER LIKE THE GOLDEN ORB MEGA-SPIDER'S RETURN:
https://owlcation.com/stem/The-Biggest-Spiders-in-Florida

Random Soapbox for Saturday 5/26/18

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... I completely missed the real reason for the upgrade to the design for Lay's bags of chips. 

I distinctly remember being taking aback in the 7-11 the first time I saw the row of half-decapitated faces grinning back at me.  Maybe it's my affinity for 'The Walking Dead' ... or maybe it's that I'm a well documented Bat-fan who knows full well that there's a villain out there trying to get folks to die laughing (that's my attempt at Joker-izing the campaign in the accompanying image). 

Of course it turns out that the whole thing was a well orchestrated (although maybe not well publicized) marketing campaign where you were supposed to take your own picture with the bag in front of the lower part of your face and to post said picture socially (as the kids do nowadays), because it was a fundraiser for Operation Smile.

Which all makes sense AFTER the fact -- but it doesn't diminish the fact that I found it all a tad creepy at the outset. 

DESPITE MY MISGIVINGS, THEY RAISED A MILLION DOLLARS:
https://www.smilewithlays.com/

OF COURSE IT MAKES SENSE AFTERWARDS:
https://www.operationsmile.org/

OTHER CREEPY MARKETING:
https://www.brandwatch.com/blog/react-creepy-marketing-personalisation-goes-far/

Random Flashback for Friday 5/25/18

With all this twenty year old talk of the second attempt at fraternity house living back in my hometown of Lebanon PA in the house on the corner on Walnut Street across from the hospital and next to Big Bertha (the name of a convenience store -- lest someone think this a pejorative reference), it was only going to be a matter of time before *this* smiling guy made an appearance in the flashbacks.

We now refer to him as the OG pit bull in the family, but back then, he was the grown puppy (?!) that I had gotten a year or so earlier from a friend of a lady with whom I worked doing voiceovers at Cable AdCom on the local real estate channel.  That friend of the lady was recently divorced from her husband, and she couldn't take care of both Demon and her kids ... so I got Demon for (frat)brother (and more) DJ.  Eventually, DJ embarked on some out-of-state travel, and so Demon came back to me -- on the condition, though, that it would be a permanent arrangement to provide the dog with some stability.

Demon James will most definitely be showing up again as these tales get told two decades after they happened (at least up until 2028, since he passed in 2008) ... but in the kitchen of this house, the memories are about the ham bone Eric tried to use to make friends with him (he gladly accepted the ham bone -- and then chased Eric out of the house) ... and the time he ran the length of the first floor and burst through the front screen door (scaring a passerby who was being too loud -- a passerby who said afterwards that he was so frightened that he jumped from one side of the two lane street to the other and didn't remember touching the ground) ... and all the walks he took around the neighborhood ... and especially the very first night we bonded when I dog-sat him and he basically ate an entire leg of my denim jeans one strip at a time that he ripped off of me as we lay there.

And *that's* how we became best buddies.

Random Memorial for Monday 5/21/18

Gone but not forgotten:  three more restaurants once reviewed on my sister companion site known as '50 Tastes of Florida' -- so now it's time to do some housekeeping.

Just closed this past weekend in what was called a "surprise":  Sublime Restaurant and Bar in Ft Lauderdale.  The 71 year old owner was quoted as saying that she "had mixed feelings" but that running a restaurant was "draining".

Recently closed just around the corner on practically the same block:  the Ft Lauderdale branch of west coast taco chain Rubio's Coastal Grill.  It had occupied a corner spot where a previous taco joint (Lime) also couldn't make it, so it's hard to not be all that surprised that they closed too.

Also closed over in the Wilton Manors, the Quality Diner -- which I think closed just as unexpectedly and was boarded up in a way that made me think the building had burned down (but apparently that was NOT the case).

I refuse to believe that my reviews had anything to do with the disappearing establishments (they scored 86, 84 and 86 respectively), so ... the only vegan place on my list, what once was called out as the best taco joint (Zona Fresco now takes that title) and one of the many many diners on what is admittedly a very diner-heavy list ... you will all be missed.

FAREWELL SUBLIME:
https://50tastesofflorida.blogspot.com/2017/04/random-taste-for-thursday-41317.html

ADIOS RUBIOs:
https://50tastesofflorida.blogspot.com/2017/01/random-taste-for-thursday-11217.html

GOODBYE QUALITY DINER:
https://50tastesofflorida.blogspot.com/2016/06/random-taste-for-thursday-63016.html

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 5/20/18

What southern Florida is talking about this week:

... how Ft Lauderdale is not a great place to raise kids.

Or says the latest version of a survey that the city's done for the last few years -- which breaks down to 39% of the 744 residents who took the survey via mail, phone or internet (although no one invited me to give my opinion).

Visit?  Work?  Vacation?  All are great ideas to take place in the FTL.  Raise kids?  Not so much.  Mind you, the census numbers say that there are more of them (18 and under) than the seniors you typically think of as living here (65 or over) -- 18.5 % to 16.7% respectively.  But apparently all those young folk are headed for trouble.  And an additional note -- this was before they caught the sexual predator working as a janitor in the complex where a playground was just built in the next town over.

From a personal perspective -- and based solely on my experiences dealing with the little brats I yell at periodically to get off my lawn (yes, I'm now *that* old), I'm actually okay if we use this survey result to declare the city a kid-free zone (again, I'm now *that* old to find that arrangement strangely peaceful).  I'm all for just giving this place back to the really old folks, seeing as how I'll be one soon enough.

SURVEY SAYS ... NO TO THE KIDS!:
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/local/broward/fort-lauderdale/fl-sb-lauderdale-family-unfriendly-20180503-story.html

THE SURVEY WAS ADMINISTERED BEFORE THIS NEWS STORY:
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/local/broward/wilton-manors/fl-sb-pride-center-janitor-fired-20180409-story.html

AN ALTERNATE VIEW ... THE OFFICIAL TAKE ON WHAT TO DO WITH KIDS:
https://www.sunny.org/ways-to-play/kids/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIh5Dl2aGV2wIVlMVkCh2eYgNdEAAYASAAEgL-jPD_BwE

Random Soapbox for Saturday 5/19/18

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... particularly during this time of year, it seems to me that we're in a position to finally face the facts and to overthrow, update and modernize our typical high school graduation ceremonies.

I distinctly remember back in my day that the celebrations for graduates were about honoring the fact that they were moving into adulthood (or, for those who had the luxury of going to college, moving into a state of arrested development for a few more years) ... or about accepting that your group of friends were likely going to change ... or about facing the fact that you had made it through your first major life transition.

All that goes to the wayside, though, when surviving high school literally means that you are lucky to f*ckin' survive -- and I'm using literally in the old-fashioned literal sense and not in the Kardashian way, and f*ckin' because it's a f*cked up world in which we live.

I'm all about embracing the reality ... so I'm now officially pursuing funding for a brand new line of graduation party supplies that will focus on commemorating those high school graduates who make it through their four years of education without being slaughtered by a classmate.  NOTE:  For obvious reasons, we will not launch these products in Jonesboro, GA; Sante Fe, TX; Dixon, IL: Palmdale, CA; Ocala, FL; Great Mills, MD; Lexington, KY; Birmingham, AL; Parkland FL; Oxon Hill, MD; Los Angeles, CA; Philadelphia, PA; Mobile, AL; Marshall County, KY; New Orleans, LA; Italy, TX; Dennison, TX or Forest City, IA -- and that's just the communities in *2018* that have already dealt with high school shootings.

(PS -- if you find this post insensitive ... please consider that maybe that's the point.  After all, it sure seems as if we've become DEsensitized to the tragedies ... and something needs to shake us out of our stupor ... or we need to accept that we've all given up and embrace the fact that this is our new reality.  Choose.  Your.  Side.)

SOURCE OF THE 2018 LIST:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_school_shootings_in_the_United_States

JUST THE LATEST BATCH OF VICTIMS:
https://www.cnn.com/2018/05/18/us/texas-school-shooting-victims/index.html

SO MY GRADUATION PARTY THEME IDEA DID *NOT* MAKE THE LIST:
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/848506386014467367/

Random Memorial for Monday 5/14/18

Gone but not forgotten:  the Greatest Hits of Journey (at least the greatest ones circa 1988, when this compilation was released).

Now why would I be throwing away what was once known as the sixth highest certified 'greatest hits' package in the United States (as of a 2008 tabulation [as per the all knowing Wiki])?  Because, as I've explained every other week on Mondays for awhile now, the CD version of this masterpiece is *also* in the music collection, so it's time now for the cassette to be discarded.

How do I possibly choose a tune to feature in honor of the cassette's "passing"?  I guess the only way to do so is to close my eyes and to picture the roller rink of my youth and to listen closely to the memory to figure out what inspirational (and maybe slightly confrontational) song is playing in the background.

In other words, Steve Perry scream-singing about what would happen if "he" ever hurts "you", you will be missed (well at least when it comes to scream-singing on a cassette):

Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you, one night will remind you
How we touched and went our separate ways
If he ever hurts you, true love won't desert you
You know I still love you
Though we touched and went our separate ways

HERE WE STAND -- WORLDS APART ... HEARTS BROKEN IN TWO (... TWO ... TWO):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LatorN4P9aA

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 5/13/18

What southern Florida is talking about this week:

... all the mommas out there.

Me personally, I've technically been a full-on orphan since the summer of 2015 (but let's be clear that I still have many strong mother types in my life, thankfully) ... and so for this year's celebration, I'm going to turn to the animal world for inspiration for this holiday this year.

Note -- you'll have to watch the whole youtube video to almost the end to see why this spider momma is getting credit for all those babies there on her back.  Happy Momma's Day to all those still in the game.

THE BEST ANIMAL MOMMAS:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NKFQvxap3s

YES BUT *WHO* IS THE *BEST*?:
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/what-animal-is-the-best-mother-158591597/

LOCALLY, THIS MOTHERS' DAY IS KIND OF SAD:
http://miami.cbslocal.com/2018/05/13/emotional-mothers-day-for-mothers-who-children-in-parkland-school-shooting/

Random Soapbox for Saturday 5/12/18

I don't mean to go off on a rant here, but ...

... I have two wishes for the druggie that recently stole CDs out of our car:

My first wish is that you resist the urge to turn them in for a dollar or two to go towards your next fix, and that, instead you LISTEN to them.  Maybe 'The Night Will Only Know' from Garth Brooks' 'In Pieces' release will speak to you what with its tale of guilt that follows someone who witnesses a crime and doesn't report it.  Or maybe Billy Joel's 'Honesty' off of his '52nd Street' album ... since, you know, honesty is indeed so hard to find.  The bottom line is that both CDs gave me years of pleasure, and so I hope that they somehow speak to you at this time.

My second wish is that you overdose soon ... 'cause you a thief, yo!  Here's hopin' ...

MY DEDICATION TO THE CD THIEF:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuFScoO4tb0

MY *OTHER* DEDICATION TO THE CD THIEF (ONLY INSTRUMENTAL VERSION):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfjB79mTj4Q

I'M GUESSING THE THIEF IS DOING ONE OF THESE:
https://moneypantry.com/sell-cds/

Random Flashback for Friday 5/11/18

Tonight's timeless message is quite simple:

Be sure to stop and smell the flowers.

(Note:  this message is being brought to you via Mauler Jean, circa spring or summer of 1998, as seen here in the back yard of the second frat house on Walnut Street next to Big Bertha's in my hometown of Lebanon PA.  Although, actually, come to think of it -- she might have really jumped the fence into the *neighbor's* yard [that small white fence wasn't much of a barrier for a barely one year old kitty], because I don't remember me or any of the frat bros planting such pretty flowers on our side of that divider.)

The message worked twenty years ago in 1998 ... and it works tonight in 2018 ... and it will work again in 2038 (if we're all around to think about it then):  do as she did and don't pass the flowers by without giving them a sniff.

Random Memorial for Monday 5/7/18

Gone but not forgotten:  my time in Trier.

It's "gone" because it happened back in 1990, during my semester abroad, when our school group did a day long field trip from our home base in Koln.  (It's hard to believe that it will soon be the 30th anniversary of *that* trip.)

It's "not forgotten" because Trier was just in the news this past week, as it is the birthplace of Karl Marx and as Karl just had a 200th birthday.  The German city close to the border of Luxembourg (so close that we're pretty sure that John B and I accidentally crossed into it when we hiked up the hill looking for a bar -- and boy did we find a memorable one that was built around a green glowing golf-ball-looking-maybe-meteorite-thing), celebrated by installing a giant statue of Karl that China gave them ('cause communism).

Note:  I searched the interwebs and I did not see any plans to also raise statues to Groucho, Harpo, Chico, Zeppo, or Gummo (the other Marx bros).

Trier Germany (and my time spent there) -- even if you end up going full-on Marxist -- you are indeed missed.

ALL HAIL KARL:
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-germany-marx/marxs-german-birthplace-unveils-controversial-statue-of-him-idUSKBN1I60J4

YOU SHOULD GO THERE:
https://www.german-way.com/travel-and-tourism/germany-for-tourists/city-guides-germany/trier/

EQUAL TIME FOR THE OTHER MARX BROS:
http://mentalfloss.com/article/73584/10-witty-facts-about-marx-brothers

Random Scandal Sheet for Sunday 5/6/18

What southern Florida is talking about this week:

Jewish-American Heritage Month.

Do you maybe forget to celebrate?  Well don't worry -- it's kind of a new-ish thing, only becoming a nationally endorsed designation back in 2005 when Bush the younger made it so (to be celebrated for the first time in May of 2006).

But even if it hasn't taken off like other "Heritage Months" (there are officially ten of them -- provided for you in the first link below so you can check to see if you and your people have one), it IS a real thing.  It could be that, as a non-Jew, I'm learning about it for the first time down here in the SoFlo because of the large population of Jews in the area (almost 150,000 in Broward County according to a 2016 study) ... or maybe because the whole fact that it exists can be traced back to the efforts of local well-known (though slightly controversial) politician Debbie Wasserman-Schulz -- with an assist from the late Arlen Specter, who was my home state of PA's senator back when I was a young'un.

So now that you know -- go forth and celebrate.  The theme for the 2018 edition is "Jewish contributions to American music" ... so maybe go sing a little 'God Bless America' OR 'Over the Rainbow' OR, for a little more slightly ironic fun, and of these CHRISTMAS tunes (all written by Jews):  'White Christmas', 'Silver Bells', 'The Christmas Song' a.k.a. 'Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire', 'Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!', 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer' OR 'I’ll Be Home for Christmas' (disclaimer:  one of the three who wrote that song was a Gentile -- not that there's anything wrong with that).

THE LIST OF TEN OFFICIAL HERITAGE MONTHS:
http://www.diversitycentral.com/calendar/heritagemonthguide.php

THE OFFICIAL WEBSITE FOR ALL THE DETAILS:
https://www.jahm.us/

COMMENTARY ON THE POPULARITY (OR LACK OF IT) OF THE CELEBRATION:
https://forward.com/news/national/309091/why-no-one-cares-about-jewish-heritage-month/

Random Soapbox for Saturday 5/5/18

I don't mean to go off on a rave here, but ...

[remember -- I rave once a month instead of ranting every Saturday because it's better for your health - and with my winter weight gain, anything I can do healthier is a good thing]

... for the third year in a row, it's time to celebrate World Naked Gardening Day!

We covered proper watering techniques the first year we participated ... and provided a reminder to trim your bushes last year ... so for year three, we're giving you encouragement to get your box in order.

Our flower box in the back yard is too far away from the irrigation system, so the weeds have taken over -- BUT that didn't keep us from making sure we still had flowers a-growin' in it (as shown).

On this day in particular but also all summer long -- may your gardens grow beautifully and may your box soon look spectacular!

THIS *IS* A REAL THING:
http://www.holidayscalendar.com/event/world-naked-gardening-day/

GET YOUR BOX IN ORDER:
https://www.diyncrafts.com/36927/decor/20-gorgeous-diy-window-flower-box-planters-beautify-home

IN CASE YOU NEED SOME FLOWERS FOR YOUR BOX:
https://www.etsy.com/market/metal_garden_flowers

JUST ONE MORE ... meditation (May 2018)

JUST ONE MORE ... meditation.

It's a new month!  But, at least with regards to this ongoing concept to embrace incremental change in order to empower folks (or just me) to stay positive and solution-focused in a day and age where problems often seem insurmountable, control often seems out of reach and apathy often seems to be running rampant ... it's kind of like a continuation of sorts of *last* month's challenge about coping mechanisms.

Admittedly, all of those coping mechanisms last month were hyper-focused on the e-world and the social media madness that seems to have infiltrated every nook and cranny of modern times.  What with how the e-world can, in turn, creep into the *real* world all too easily -- and note that the use of creep there as a verb may also become relevant as a noun when discussing the online troll community -- it just might be that you're looking for something a little less drastic than developing full blown agoraphobia in order to avoid human interaction.

Therefore, and with the knowledge that May just so happens to be National Meditation Month, let's all clear our heads and get hella mindful and find our foci by layerig in -- on a frequency that works best for you -- just one more ... meditation.